Wednesday, January 20, 2016

I Did Some Stuff At Some Places With Stuff. I Totally Went To Portland.

You'll never guess where I was. 

Met up with the homies Suzanne and Evan who had just moved out to the OG land of the weird and we decided to eat all the fish sauce an rice specks at Pok Pok. I don't know authentic authentic Thai food, but I'd imagine that this comes pretty close to the real deal. Couldn't pronounce a damn thing on the menu and everything had a fresh light taste despite half the menu being deep fried or fried hard. No homo.

I have an affinity to sour beers so that this place was basically like a giant sour dick that needed to be puckered into my mouth. All the beers tasted so damn fresh and tart, it had my privates feeling like a sour patch scrotum. 

I forgot the name of this bar since I was already buzzin pretty hard, but I remember seeing a lot of Russian River bottles for sale. We also spent almost 30 dollars on pinball here. This city loves its pinball. 

After all of the beers and pinballing, Brahim, Larry and I decided to check out a grown up spot downtown called the Clyde Commons. I had one of the best Old Fashioneds here. I also felt weird taking photos so this is all I got. I felt like I was in a fancy loft that I would dookie in the tub at out of jealousy. 

My kind of bar. Hippies, loud mouth know it alls, and good music. I just wish the food didn't want to make me punch myself in the face. 

Cock walk.

Only weird because dude is wearing a winter hat during the summer. Keep Portland ironically sweating brah. Also the tram looks like one of those micro houses that everyone shits themselves over. Where the fuck are the wheels? I kept imagining that there were feet holes and all of the passengers were running the train. 

Met up with the homie Matt to try out Luc Lac and damn was this place friggin good. White people and and Asian food go hand in hand here man. These honkies know their shit and use the shit out of the fish sauce and it all works. Although my plate looks like a plate of leftover garbage, shit was delicious. The mural in there is super dope as well. Thumbs up all around. 

I dont understand how motorcycles and coffee go hand in hand, but it goes hand in hand here. See See coffee is a confusing concept to me, but no body seemed to mind as they sipped their "motor oil" stirred with their "dipstick" and their cups were "helmeted"...Ill stop. 

Walking around in a city you've never been in before has its benefits, especially when you see graff gods/idols. Joker, Daim and Seak got this wall on "FLEEK."

Crushed it at pinball. 

What a snack looks like at Accanto. 

This building tho. I felt like I was in a scene for that movie Inception. This building is just one twist and antique cool shit after another. God damn. 

Went to check out Ox with the crew. There was a wait so we went right next door to the oyster bar for pickled cocktails and 60 minute oysters. One of the mothershuckers called off so poor dude had to shuck all the oysters by himself. That shit took forever still, but it was all good since I was pretty drunk and tired by this time. There was also a pretty cool rusted stove they used to kill minorities in. One of these things is not true. 

Dinner was decent. I opted for the short ribs and empanadas. The radishes did absolutely nothing for this. Why was it even on this dish? Like six thin slices of radish is supposed to up the ante on braised/grilled short ribs? What the least pickle the damn things. 

My happy drunk, about to eat plain radishes on steak face. 

Went to the biggest farmers market early on Saturday to help the homies out with their Outstanding in the Field dinner at Big Table Farm. Massive and amazingly fresh array of amazing looking produce at very fair prices. Eye opening to say the least as to how fertile the soil is out there. The girl in this picture is an actual walking squash blossom. Crazy. 

Every city that isn't Chicago has to have a "Chicago" food tent thing full of STARS WITH FIVE POINTS? REALLY? HOW CHICAGO ARE YOU? HOWS THE WEATHER IN NAPERVILLE YOU FRAUD? Also looking at this menu makes me realize how fat the rest of the country must thing we are...and they're right. 

I just had to because they were so cheap and amazing looking. 


A farm with a winery can only be a good thing. 

Why would you want to be anywhere else? I mean seriously. 

White people be loving shit like this. 

Miss the fuck out brah. 

No seriously though, white people be loving shit like this. 

The homie Tim Wastell and crew killin it. I chopped a bag of mint...only like 3 leaves worth were used. This is also the dinner that got me into using tweezers for plating like a tool. Fuck you Portland. 

Timothy explaining why he loves being bald. Drew is clearly thinking about that wine house. 

I'm so glad I was part of the kitchen crew and not having to clear this table. 

This is a picture I took at 9:32pm. Alien shit man. 

I didn't document all of the tim foolery drinking a shit load of wine and beer up at the house because...I was drinking all of the wine and beer and peeking under linen cloth only to reveal a curing leg of PIG. 

I forgot that we were going to do a 2 mile vertical hike the next day after the farm dinner. I woke up drunk and sweating like a pig in a slaughter house. The views were breathtaking and all, but I almost fainted 3 or 4 times. I also sweated out all of the toxins from the night before and I was a fucking mess, but something about dipping my disgusting feet in the ice cold water reminded me of how hungover and human I really was. 

Feeling rejuvenated, we got dropped off at The Box Social on Willliams st. and proceeded to make sure we get another nasty hangover. 

This was part of the reason why. 

Larry about to make sweet sweet love to the Inidana Jones Pinball game. 

We ventured up the street and stopped by Eat and got our oysters, shots, and beer on. Things are starting to go hazy and my face was starting to get really warm. 

What better way to cure an impending hangover than to eat all of the BBQ we can shove into our pie holes? At this point, Larry had given up and called Brahim to get picked up. My stomach was basically at the brink and ready to explode all over. Mind you that this was all within 4 hours. 

This kind of says it all. 

Not to be outdone from the night before, the cooks all went out for dim sum in the yellow part of town and we continued our gastric feast. 

It's about to really hit the fan tho. 

Are you fucking kidding me? This meal was just bonkers. The cooks fucking killin the game over here and just making it all look so seamless. This was a gangsta ass meal. The last leg was pretty much dessert. 

Le Pigeon is for lovers.

Why stop at Pigeon when I can do a bang bang and eat at their sister resto Little Bird? I mean, why the fuck not? Its not like I didn't enough fucking food on this trip or anything. 

This trip was one for the books. Can't thank Flesh for Food for flying me out, Tim and Jobie for the amazing farm experience, Brahim and Larry for the camaraderie and good fucking times. Portland has a special weird curly mustache in my heart. That city really is like no other city I've ever been to. 


  1. this white girl loves you! - : ) xo next time come to the farm

  2. You really had a great time by experiencing all that by your own.I love the choice of food and that nitrogen drink.I would surely try these all items anytime soon.