Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Why Does New York Have To Be So Fucking Expensive and Cool?


This is never a good sign when you think you're lost on a bus in NY. I'm fine watching the shows from the comfort of my couch. I've had nightmares about that broom and having to clean my house. 



Stress relief. 


So upon getting to the Fountain Art Fair, the first thing I got to eat was a portobello juicy lucy burger from the shake shake at almost $8. It was just OK. People swear by this now chain restaurant and there is always a line at the one in the city. I was hungry 15 minutes later and its always strange eating anything that bukkakes your face. 



Met up with the homie Ted who eats and sweats more than anyone I know. He was gracious enough to meet up with me and take me to eat some Korean. I was so damn tired at this point that any Korean would have done and this actually decent considering the drunk clubby looking polish immigrants sitting next to us trying to order lice. Ted being as nice as he is actually did all the ordering for them and all was well with mother Poland.


You know I had to do it. Especially in Brooklyn...the new Starbucks son. 



Of fucking course "Brooklyn" Whole Foods. You sell vinyl and not just normal vinyl, but classic rock and alt classics. UGH. Only thing organic here is the pretension. 


This is cool though, solar power to power the vintage record player from Morocco, theres only like 3 in the world. 


Ubiquitous shot of the Flat Iron building. 


The booth next to us at the fair had killer ink and pencil drawings. So damn good. 


Took a break to head over to Eataly and wait in lines to wait in lines.


I know its touristy and trendy to eat here but hot damn this plate of pasta was one of the best I had. 


Joker transcend crew. Grew up biting his work hard. Dude has been one of my favorites growing up and still is to this day. Master of negative space and color composition...or DOPE SON!


Burned in dude. 




After spending a whole day at the fair with me, Ted took me to his favorite beer spot in Queens called Bier and Cheese. Super cool vibe, no handle bar mustaches or ironic striped shirts, just beer, meat, and cheese. Queens is a well kept secret in my opinion. What the fuck do I know? 



Stress relief.


Oh art.


If you ever want to feel irrelevant as a person and an artist, stand around actual soldiers looking at weirdos painting teddy bears, stupid costumes, chuckling. Also, their camouflage made no sense to me...maybe they were performance artists? 


When in Rome.


Nothing says NY to me more than side busting a Dr. Revolt tag in a bathroom. 



Real NY.


So part of the deal for showing at Fountain Art Fair was to help set up and breakdown the whole fair, for a massive discount on the cost of the booth. Corey and Sarah, being the troopers that they are killed it with setting up days before and I was there for the breakdown...NEVER AGAIN. Just breathing all of the dust/soot, carrying walls, sweeping for hours. I feel like we should have shopped for labor at the Home Depot for this shit. 


I rewarded myself with this motherfucker right here. I don't agree with paying almost $30 for this but god damn was this thing good. It just tasted so classic, salty and good that my gout should have just exploded with remnants of my toes hitting people in the face, but I kept it in and just creeped everyone out by moaning out loud as I ate by myself. 


you know. 


Met up with the Youseff at this off the beaten path cool little bar called Doris. I'm not even lying to you when I say that there were two turntables on the bar with the bartender every now and then changing records from a shelf they built specifically for records. Are you tired of Brooklyn yet? 


I don't indulge in sweets but I almost put a condom on for the hole after taking a bite from this donut. Green macha tea donut from the vault. JESUS.


Ted met up with me for a final tour of some grub and over all gluttony for one of my last nights. Started at Gotham city market with this humble bowl of ramen that COST $11. 


Ted and I got caught with the romance in the air and decided to take a walk on the high line and hold meaty clammy hands together. 


Well duh. 


The Chelsea market...so damn cool.






This is what I image a homeless buffet to look like. I felt terrible typing that, but I'm not going to delete it. 



Its not Rays, Not Rays, or any other kitschy pizza spot...it was simple and delicious.


Maya Hayuk is a G.



This was a damn good elote, no homo. 


Got to check out Vizie's show from the outside because a private wedding was going on...on a fucking Tuesday. 




Back 40? I forget the name of the spot, but Ted swore by this place and I trust his gut over a lot of peoples stomachs. The offal cuts here were delicious and I'm sure traumatizing to my gout foot. The pickled grilled beef tongue though. Makes me want to french a cow, which I kind of did. 



Phone ran out of battery at this point, found randoms...no comments. I went to high school with Dale Talde who owns a few restaurants including the Pork Slope. Proud of all of his accomplishments and amazing hustle. Dude knew what he wanted to do since high school. Kudos! 


A few of my pieces on display at Fountain Art Fair. 



Stumpton with a nitro ice coffee draft line...this was life changing. Its also crack in a cup. 



This was the last thing I ate and could fit in my fat fucking mouth before leaving for the airport. It was an amazing 4 days. I got it in pretty much at every angle and position. And I know this is just scratching the surface. Can't wait to go back and get fat and complain again! 

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