Monday, August 29, 2011

So Many Colors, So Little Time.

Great Lakes beer dinner at work this past week had me realizing how terrible my handwriting is. My notes looked like something a psychotic murderer and a 2nd grader put together.

It was a hell of a day prepping, cooking, and serving all the food for the 5 course beer dinner, so I treated myself to the richest and heaviest thing I could possibly eat at 1030pm. I present the duck confit poutine. This artery clogging awesome sodium filled dish coated my mouth like a European hooker. It was just the thing I needed before calling it a night.

Finished a little ditty for the homie Julio that ended up not being what he wanted...boooo. It was my fault mostly but there's always time to paint another 7x2' piece right? Right?

Stopped in at the Haymarket Brewpub for a quickie while I waited for Abbey and his girlfriend to head out to Lisle.

I love this place because of the 4 ounce pours that they offer so you can try almost every single beer they brew without getting smashed and blowing out your taste buds. The winner out of this trio was the raspberry wheat. Real subtle, not sweet, and all kinds of floral...I mean, that shit was good son!

Lisle, Illniois represent beyotches!!! The homie Diane extended an invite out to her amazing home for her annual Big Daddy Fest where a shit load of drinking and eating would ensue.

Diane has really good taste and design sensibilities. The house was filled with things you want to touch but you know you shouldn't. I didnt know whether to sit on these or put up a velvet rope around this whole table.

I didn't sit on these because I knew once I sat on them, I would never get up ever again. Seriously, I would just lay, shit, and sleep and not move and watch TV until I slowly died into a yellow goop.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I painted her car a few years ago. You think this sticks out a little in traffic? Answer is yes.

Here's Billy, Timmy, or Jimmy (I forget his name) pointing to the one thing on the car that is remotely comprehensible. The best part about this is one of the guests asked my Nigerian friend Abbey (pronounced Ah-Bay) if he painted this car in Jamaica...can't make this up.

After uncomfortably chuckling and kind of staring in shock, we decided to walk the amazing garden properly equipped with not but one but three hammocks we've seen walking around the massive garden.

We also found a decked out tree house in the neighbor's yard complete with two floors and a live in black dude that creeps the white kids out. Abbey later told me that this is what Nigerian mansions looked like.

Worked up quite an appetite walking and pointing at things and ooohhhing and ahhhhing everything in sight. The menu consisted of a very filling and satisfying fish boil and copious amounts of Bud Light, wine and Johnnie Walker Red.

Outdoor fireplace? What is this, the future???

Outdoor candle chandelier. Smokey the Bear would have shit out an extinguisher if he saw this. It made the garden look really cool.

This sexy bed of perfectly gray coals were heating up an 80 lb. pig to crispy fatty perfection in a "China Box." Complete with triangular, conical engrish letters.

Don't have a flash on my iphone but this beast was fucking succulent beauty. I got dibs on the cheek and basically let it fuck the shit out of my mouth. The rest of this night was spent drinking and drinking and did I mention drinking?

So to be consistent, why not day drink a bunch of different Belgian beers at 1:30pm? I projectile vomitted at this event in a bathroom thank god. And luckily none of the pig or delicious fish boil came back up. For some reason, I felt compelled to buy a shower curtain after this at the neighboring Bed Bath and Beyond.

So after bitching and whining about getting drawn on at Dark Lord Day earlier this year while Steve fell asleep around drunk idiots, he did it again! Instead of painting his exposed skin this time, we all just took turns tea baggin his face. It was all fun and games until he got a raging boner.

I've been to Goose Island so many times this past week. Just finished this board and hope that I don't have to return for a long time. This should hold them over for a little.

This baby is starting to get more and more awesome.

So I was totally shocked and grateful to hear that there are more than five people that read this blog and for that, I am super fucking grateful. Seriously, thank y'all and hope that you don't make it on here because I'll probably make fun of you.


Sunday, August 21, 2011

Being Sick in the Summer Fucking Sucks.

I wish I was the recipient of this card but I think my card would read more like "Hello, you have toilet paper sticking out of your pants." I usually lay toilet paper on the seat if I'm gonna do a number 2 and I ended up with that paper sticking out for almost 30 minutes. I'm really glad there wasn't poop on it.

On my merry way to work when I saw this classic scenario in progress. The guy that no girl wants to date but every girl wants to befriend as a brother type pal. Makes the slightly attractive girl feels secure and makes them laugh and has to hear about the boy friends that he'll never get to be. I must have been in a shit mood when I took this picture! This is why porno exists.

After I shed one gangster tear, I decided to put up some stickers promoting this site. HIT ME UP IF YOU WOULD LIKE A STICKER @ Maybe there will be a prize for anyone that sends me a picture of a sticker up? PERHAPS?

Driven and walked by this place for quite a while and decided to finally just walk in a try a "devil dawg."

The only devilsh thing about these fucking lukewarm (yes lukewarm!) dogs was the diarrhea that almost exploded all over my American Apparel boxer briefs. Bland and overloaded with crap that just all ended up as mush. It wasn't even busy in there which is always a sure tell sign of quality when they have time to prepare for consumers. Booooooooo on them.

To balance that epic hotdog failure, Half Acre released their annual Double Daisy Cutter which used Galaxy hops which to me means nothing but put it in my mouth and let me make poor decisions already.

It was sketch Thursday time at Lokal except Lokal hired this weird washed up polish cover band that sucked so we moved it to the Wormhole over on Milwaukee. An 80's retro type place with a bunch of random 80's movie memorabilia and well placed furniture.

I want this to be my bed frame. Why a coffee shop needs this Delorean to occupy this much space as decor is beyond me...still pretty cool that its on display.

Can you believe this movie debut was over 20 years ago? Yikes. I am now that guy who says shit like "I remember when..." No body likes that guy.

This little fucking douche bag had some nerve poking fun at passerby's in his docker loafers, tight cut off jean shorts and his nautical thrift shirt. This makes me wish killing wasn't illegal. Also makes me wish I was young again.

There is just all kinds of wrong with this. I thought Soul Glow was bad but fucking curly pudding??? Really? Whats next frizz stew? wavey frosting? semen q's? Pudding should only come in chocolate form. Money was spent for this ad to be wonder graffiti is still so rampant.

He is climbing things on his own and yelling for no reason...hide everything.

Checked out Brian's work over at the Center at Halsted where I paid a suggested but mandatory donation of $5. Why even front like anything is suggested? the door people make you feel like shit when you suggest not paying. At least the work was good.

Afterwards, went to go check out Mucca Pazza over at Lincoln Hall which used to be 3 penny cinema back in the day. Home of the 3D porno movie. If you ever wanted to feel insecure as a man, check out John Holmes in 3D...his junk looks like a skin canoe about to crash into your face.

Mucca pazza is marching band on crack. There are like 20 members, including annoying old cheerleaders, a full brass band and random instruments everywhere. I think each member gets like 10 dollars every gig.

Don't get me wrong, they were good and entertaining but when you go to a concert by yourself and are surrounded by every single white person in Lincoln Park...its hard to get excited about anything.

I had to wake up early the next day and cook anyways. It was official real BBQ day. Smoked a 5 lb. brisket and a 3.5lb pork shoulder in apple and cherry wood. Good lord they tasted good.

The highlight of the day was playing around with the sous vide machine. Andrew and I sous vide some short rib burgers and whole rainbow trout. Dear Santa, for Christmas this year...

And then the weird booze came out.

I'm going to stick to good ol American shit next time. This made me feel not so good.

Monday Funday. CZR PRZ and I got down over at Kyu Sushi on 939 n. Ashland and painted a little ditty.

Kyu is also my brother's name which made me realize that I've never "tagged" his name ever and after this job hopefully never have to. Not my favorite letters to freak out.

This is also home to one of the best ramen I've had in the city thus far.

Seriously though, if you want a sticker and are willing to put it up somewhere weird and document it, Ill get yah a prize could be a stouffers frozen meal, an old print, an old tee shirt I dont want anymore, maybe a ben sherman shirt that doesnt fit anymore...who know?

Sunday, August 7, 2011

House of Crack Rock

Enjoyed a day off this week and took full advantage with Lollapalooza, The House on the Rock, and a short but productive stint in Milwaukee...

Went to go celebrate a friend's birthday party where this edible beauty graced the table. It looks like some white dude only got a tan on his cock. Didn't have any of it but I heard it was a little salty.

This is how you know you have good friends, when they make fun of hair growing out of orifices because you're old. Waking up to this made me realize how lucky I truly am to have asshole friends. Thanks Hernando, I promise to shave my balls thinking of you every week.

Did this little P. Diddy whilst I took a puff or six. I thought I was weird sober and drunk...drawing high was a whole new level of WTF.

In the midst of funny smelling tobacco the previous night, I thought it would be brilliant to pickle some veggies for fun. This is what dumb high cooks think about and do thinking its a great idea. Needless to say, it's a rarity to see me smoke.

Best stencil I've seen in a long time.

The homie Jeremy hooked it up letting a few friends paint the Metropolix Coffee booth for Lolla. This would be the quiet before the shit storm of privileged happy vacationing teens that I will ALWAYS be jealous of.

This is modeled after Jeremy's bratwurst fingers. The blue color is to match his balls. The hand sign is what he dubbed as the "man shocker."

Uriel on deck rocking out one side of the booth. Uriel is a classic artist in the sense that nothing is ever good enough or up to par despite how fucking awesome his stuff really is. So this would be the perfect moment to get artwork of his on the cheap before he semi-sort of-maybe-I don't know- acknowledges how good he is.

It was nice to hang low and kick it downtown painting, drinking and shooting the shit with a bunch of immature artists and coffee artisans. Wait did I say artists and artisans in the same sentence?

Rewarded ourselves with some late night Santullo's. That margherita pizza made me almost cry.

And an even better reward for painting. Two staff passes for Friday and Sunday. In and out privileges...thats what she said.

Time to get my Lolla on and drink some damn good Iced Americano. The iced Koreano is just Moutain Dew.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

Oh boy.

Caught a little bit of Crystal Castle's set but they bailed out 15 minutes earlier than they were supposed to. Fucking dicks.

Apparently 90,000 people were in attendance. That's a lot of farts.

Terrible shot of Ratatat. They do a great live show, now if I could just get rid of about 5000 of these people...

Ran for a mad dash to catch some of Girltalk's set which was pretty damn good as well. A little kitschy but fun. Hanging out in this crowd though made me realize how correct Dave Chapelle was about white people and guitar rifts. This crowd went bananas for guitar solos.

Speaking of white people, this dude is definitely making a banana split tonight.

Meh. This "art" piece is just another photo op/tourist trap. It got bastardized.

Time to rock. I took a shit ton of photos and videos of this massively strange and eerie house. Just google this shit and you'll see what up.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

There is animatronic shit everywhere. This house is sectioned off into 3 sections with all kinds of random, freaky shit everywhere. It's like Big Lots, Costco, and every single hoarder you know opening up a museum.

This guy totally has yellow fever.

This is one of the best finds. Look at how small that fucking gun is son!

Baby Wolverine gun and shit son.

I always thought being burned alive or drowning could be the worst way to go but after seeing this shit...


Matrix yo.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

This is also home to the WORLD'S largest carousel. Fucking random.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

So accurate.

Mexican Ben Franklin.

Orgy masks.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Nightmare inducing images everywhere not to mention how much fucking carpeting surrounded everything. This is a very very small sampling of what this place has to offer not to mention the random hotel resorts around.

Like this airplane shaped room for instance.

We opted for an evening in Milwaukee instead of trying to drive back 4 hours to Chicago. Chilled out and kind of walked around downtown Milwaukee and came across the most disgusting abundance of food in a display case ever. The green peppers started to milk out rancid liquid and everything is just so randomly wrapped and placed all over. This is NOT how to entice people to eat in your establishment. Like looking into a college student's fridge.

Tried to check out DJ Troublemaker at a place called Dick's Pizza and Pleasure. I guess the pleasure is going into a complete white room and feeling like a "dick," no pun intended.

Or have some pizza downstairs in the strangely sterile anime room. This is what happens when like 15 people own a space all with "great ideas" for a place.

Speaking of great ideas, this alcoholic whipped cream is the business. After you get drunk, do some fucking whippets to cap the evening yo!

I officially hate the public market in Milwaukee. It's overrated and fucking stupid expensive, but goddamn it, it's convenient. They wish they were Seattle sooooo fucking bad.

I hope this post of random shit makes up for some of the lighter posts from previous weeks. I'm doing this from work and wasting time so sorry about typo's and general bad grammar.


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