Monday, April 11, 2011

Bad Habits Are Hard to Break

Started the week having to redo a chalkboard Goose Island was not too keen on. To my defense, I was just being a lazy bastard. I didn't take a picture of the shitty board...because it was shitty. This is the revised version complete with an enormous goose head because drawing a goose inside Goose Island has never been done before.

Feeling a little cheeky after doing the above board and having eaten straight vegetarian for about two weeks, you can only imagine my lust for some salty meat. Sang gave me a ring and suggested his new favorite BBQ spot - Uncle John's in the South Side. First awesome sign of any good BBQ spot is good dry wood. Seeing this made my scrotum tingle with anticipation.

Second good sign - anatomically correct illustration of chicken parts on an unassuming store front sign. You would never know what kind of BBQ magic happens in here if you were just walking or driving by. Fuck your Leon's and Smoque BBQ up North. This is the real deal.

Third good sign. Fat white people from the North Side like Jack here are willing to travel to the South Side where Whities are considered to be narcs or social workers. Not pictured are two Koreans and DJ Rude One, the locals looked at us like we were straight aliens. They were even more startled when the yellows spoke proper English.

Uncle John's isn't really a sit down and eat kinda joint being that it has bullet proof glass everywhere so we opted to eat in Sang's car. I couldn't get a good picture of the tips and link combo, but FUCKING SHIT ASS FUCK TITTIES, they were good. All four of us basically fogged up the windows and looked like we had a BBQ orgy with sauce flying, groaning, sweating and basically just short of jerking each other off in the car once we started eating. Shit is real son. I'm not going to hyper link the joint...just fucking google it you lazy bastard.

Coming off of the meat coma that would soon follow the meal from the previous night, and the inevitable brick of dung I shat out from re introducing meat into my diet, why not check out a new taco joint?

The interior was laid out and painted by the homie CZR PRZ. It's called Carbon and is the second incarnation with the first located in the South Side. Food was aight...although for the portion and other options, I can't say that I'd go back.

Don't let the massively bright storefront fool you, its tiny but definitely has plenty to look at. It's like a bucket of graffiti and street art just spilled all up in this shit. Also with the small size of this place, the fat employees really need to step their game up and jog or some shit. I felt claustrophobic in there when I was eating my veggie taco that cost them .20 to make but cost me $2.50.

Back to the grind at Goose for an upcoming beer. Thank God I added the blue behind the letters because I could not stop thinking about sperm dripping on the black back ground. And I kept thinking that all of this sperm was dripping into the glass and creating this cess pool of overflowing spunk out of this beer mug. With all of this said, the beer is actually really good.

Not to be outdone by the cup of sperm, Sam and I at work worked on one of the best chalkboards that no one will ever see because of its location. I won't tell you where it is rather if you find it, let me know how to get back up there. Better yet, take a flick of this and Ill send you a prize. Seriously. Sam you can't enter this contest.

Straight rain forest son!

After a long day of signs, and cooking for an awesome 30th bday dinner, stopped by Simone's where I always feel like a hipster Tron. If you haven't been here, the decor is really cool and is the same guy who did the Boiler Room.

DJ booth overlooking Mexicans, Hipsters, Yuppies, and Mexican hipster yuppies.

Ran into co-worker/friend Chris fist pumping to a Bieber song.

And yes, I was stupid hungover the next day for work. Managing a blog lets you know how people find out about your blog and has all of these neat functions that let you know what words are being typed to find your you can see, I'm mostly linked with porn words and sites. My favorite is the "porn videos son fucking hard fucking oh shit holy fuck faster..." SOMEONE ACTUALLY TYPED ALL OF THIS and my blog came up...Awesome!

It was DJ day at work where 8 DJs would play for an hour each and we would just drink and shoot the shit at a grocery store bar. The nephew decided to come out in style and really get his New Jack City on. The event was a success and had people drinking during the day and had Johnny Fonseca playing T.I. where organic minneola tangelo's are sold.

During my hour, it became Babies R' Us dance hour. I was really tempted to start playing some 2 Live Crew.

Woke up the next day and caught this by some dude that paints.

So whats the difference between the North and South Side? Ill give you a hint..."white people drive like this, black people, they drive like this..."

Speaking of black people, got to see the homies RK design throwing down on a production wall. I've known these guys for a really long time and they have only gotten better and blacker as evidenced by the Wendy Williams character here. "MMMMMMHMMM!"

Max wears a clean white tee every single time he paints and I kid you not, it stays white after a full day of painting. It also makes him look like every body else in this neighborhood so he doesn't get killed.

After shooting the shit, it was time to hit the Maxwell St. Market to look at the most random shit for sale and Mexican food.

What the hell are you selling here?

Oh yes.

This looks like a used tampax, but this quesadilla with barbacoa steak was pretty slamming and filling all for $4.5o. Solid mix of oil, cheese, sour cream, with a touch of tortilla to really make this probably the unhealthiest thing ever. It was fucking good though.

Continued walking around looking at the most random shit for sale until my childhood and inner fat kid resurfaced seeing this...

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

I am a sucker for an elote. This is what summer means to me, a mish mash of calories, sweat, and food boners.

A fucking parachute for sale.

Just blocks and blocks of DVD's, socks, belts, gloves, army gear, knives, tools, bootleg toys, candy, food, remote controls, blankets, cars, books, shoes, kids for sales, dogs, and weird looking Asians, I had enough and the massive poop that was poking out indicated my need to exit the premises.

Not to be outdone by my flea market excursion, it was time for more of a sullen moment to send off the homie Pedi at the California Clipper as he embarks the shit on chest porn land of Germany.

I love this place. I just wish it was closer to my house. It has a classic spacious interior, solid cocktails and a vibe that is hard to find around the city. We will miss Pedi and his Jesus hair, but what I will miss most of all is the meatloaf cupcake I had here made by Courtney. That shit was bonkers son.

Here I come Dark Lord Day. Thanks Tooch!

It was a long week with ending with an amazing 80 degree day in Chicago. I got to see a glimpse of what is to come as the weather will only get nicer and nicer. A ton of traffic and shit head drivers. Check out Art Burst Chicago...they asked me questions and stuff and I like answered them. Awesome site with a bunch of art coverage around the city and beyond. I hope you enjoyed!


  1. good shit as always, couldnt make pedi's goin away shindig, as my fucking gout flared up something awful and is still a son of a bitch right now, hook it up w/ some gout diet recipe's mang!

    also, I thought that frothy mug was a cupcake, thats just how my fat ass view's the world I guess.